Reunion with the Old Self

When I received a text from a high school friend, I squirmed even before I even read the text. ‘What is it now,’ I thought. The last time I met her was two years back.

‘Hey, Ayu. You’re still using the same number? Just wanna let you know our friend from form 6 is getting married this weekend. You coming?’

A friend’s wedding. An old friend’s wedding.

Means there are many friends coming.
Means that I will be meeting friends I haven’t met for the past 8 years.
Means that many questions will be asked.
Means that I will be feeling insecure.
Means that I will freak out and bail.

I was reluctant to reply the text. The same hour, the texter called. I ignored.

That night, the texter texted me again, saying ‘Hey, I’ll be meeting other friends at the meeting point by 11am tomorrow. Be there, ok?’

I didn’t reply. I went to sleep without a decision.

The next morning I woke up and looked in my closet. ‘What the hell am I supposed to wear?’ I have gained weight and the people I’m gonna meet up at the meeting point are fab looking people, with big paycheques. Very unlike me’

I grabbed one of my raya kurungs, and got ready.

I met 3 more of my friends at the meeting point, all looking the same as they did when we went to school together. I was impressed on how time doesn’t really change anything. They succeeded in surprising me again when we started our conversation. The way they talked, the way they wear their attitudes are as the same as the old days.

I remembered then, when meeting with them that day, just how much I missed that-all of what makes them.

It also reminded me how I, now in my adult life, have evaded being the person I was as a teenager. I was carefree, I was spontaneous, I was spunky. Adult life has made me reserve a few of those traits, out of insecurity, which is surprisingly new-found.

My friends that day were being themselves, one of them a mother and another was a mom-to-be. Bur regardless of that, they are still refreshingly the same. I was back into being the teen I used to be after only a few minutes being with them, and I felt OK.

We arrived at the wedding and met our other friends. We chatted and guess what? Nothing changed! The weight issue, the bigger paycheque issue was drained away with every hug we shared. I don’t know whether any of them felt as insecure as I did before meeting up. Maybe they didn’t. But what I took back with me that day is the fact that I am me, and it’s OK to be just me.