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Cintalah jika ada
Mungkin bukan aku
Berilah apa yang mampu
Pada yang tak pergi dan hilang

Rasalah apa yang dia rasa
Fahamlah ikhlas dan marahnya
Larilah asal tak terlalu jauh
Pulang bila hati memanggil

Ceritalah segalanya di hati
Bukan untuk difaham
Cuma untuk didengar
Oleh dunia, dia, atau keduanya

Adakan percaya dalam hati
Hilangkan sangkal dalam fikir
Cari bukan selalu berjumpa
Beri bukan selalu diterima

Cintalah jika ada
Cintalah jika bukan aku

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Warts and All

I will remember your thoughtfulness
In days when I crave a decent hello
And a warm hug to shrug my fears
You came and gave me all that and more

I will always remember
How you can effortlessly make me smile
And how your absence of words or being
Can make me lose the skip in my steps

I will remember you, your humour
That amuses the child in me
The way you befriended me
When the world was making me its enemy

I will remember us
And how much we can give relentlessly
How well we can understand us
And how forgiving we can be

I will remember me
Finding only pleasure in us
Feeling worthwhile and grateful
With the friendship you gave me

Should any of us go away, in time
To take up life's decided paths
I will always remember you, as you are now
And I love you, warts and all

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Pink and Satin Dreams

That word or two were playing in my mind
They swirl and twirl
In luscious pink and satin
And change in every of my sleep
The words were not many
The words were all I have
And as their novelty lasts only a dream or two
My incandescent hope sings not the same song
And when I wake up between my sleeps
I find myself dreaming still
And the words will always murmur
Unconscious but sublime
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Down Memory Lane

The ringing of the phone always made my heart skipped a beat, and I hoped so much that the person calling me was him.

He was just average, but maybe that’s why I liked him so much. He didn’t try-his charm was effortless.

‘Hey, you asleep?’

That’s it, that’s all I want to hear, his voice. Even if I was asleep, I wouldn’t be the second he called.

Did he know?

‘No, I’m not,’

‘I had troubles with my mom today,’

And I know exactly why. And I felt so hopeless.

-----------------

‘You know when you care for someone; you want that person to be happy, not out of obligation, but because you just
want to. Because making that person happy suddenly makes you feel happy. I want that for you,’

Of course. I felt the same for him. But did he know?

-----------------

I had a terrible time with my boss that day.

‘It’ll be ok tomorrow, trust me,’ he said.

And sure enough, it was all ok, just like he said.

‘My boss didn’t become such a bitch as he did yesterday, just like you said. I love you!’

Silence.

‘Why won’t you say you love me too?’

Silence.

But what he said after that I remembered.

‘Because words are not enough. Because you deserve more that what I can give you now. Because it’s unfair to you,’

He never fails to tell me that every time I asked.

And I asked many times

I didn’t comprehend then, but I do now. But does he know?

Source: My old ones
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Once

They came and left
But I was hurt, only once
He said so many
But I listened, only once-when he said ‘Goodbye’
I gave up so much
But I regret, only once-when I gave me away
I smiled for long
But I was happy, only once
I cried for long
But I suffered, only once
I was taught about life
But I learned, only once-when I shared it with him
I spoke words of such
But I meant it, only once-when I said I love him
I find the flaws in him many times
But I was hesitant, not even once
I loved so much
And I was loved too, only once

Source : My old ones
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Discovering Me

I can hear my heartbeat only when I’m alone
I understand the meaning of love when I’m betrayed
I recognize the hero in me only when I cry
I know where I belong when I have strayed
I gain bravery through their many deceptions
I learn truth from reality’s hits and blows
I see myself when there is no one beside me
I understand sorrow when I’m utmost happy
I can sleep soundly only after my tears run dry
I achieve contentment by accepting my flaws
I understand God when He puts me in places I resent being
I see the gem in my friends when I am trapped in the dark
I find pleasure in humility in when someone is in need of me
I love, not because I’m lonely, but because it is rare
I discover me now, not to retaliate, but because it was lost
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Tapi Aku Ada Jiwa

Aku ini, lupa
Tentang maksud dan garisan
Yang dulu aku tahu dan patuh

Aku ini, hilang
Antara dulu dan sekarang
Kerana nafsuku adalah suluhku

Aku ini, jahil
Aku mencari tapi sesat
Aku percaya tapi buta

Aku ini, sakit
Kerana sungkurku tak berbelai
Kerana jatuhku tak bersambut

Aku ini, takut
Pada tangan dan hati
Yang selalu memukul sedarku

Tapi aku ini juga, jiwa
Yang menyedarkan lupa
Yang mencari bila hilang
Yang mengisi jahil
Yang memberi bila sakit
Yang meneman bila takut

Copyright ©2009 Aida Rahayu Mahmud

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