It's Like Losing My Caffeine Fix

Goodbyes are always a chore. Doesn't matter how close you are to a person, goodbyes are never easy. I learned that only today.

When he said 'I won't be seeing you again, you take care ok? Aku mintak maaf la klu aku selalu usik ko, bukan sengaje', I felt a gush of feeling that I never thought I would have. I was sad.

He was my colleague. He was always there; we shared thoughts and sometimes sought comfort from each other. But now he's leaving as he received a better offer some place else.

He was the first person I met when joined my current office.

Our conversations back then were always about my boss, and his stories on how he managed to escape from her evil grip.

I remember that day-it was a week after Hari Raya and I already reported for work. My boss, hasn’t. So there I was, stuck in a room with nothing to do, but with a person to talk to.

‘Kau jaga-jaga dengan dia’, was the only thing I remembered from our conversations that day, it was repeated too many times. But when I asked, ‘Why?’, he shrugged and said ‘I’m not gonna tell you, ko find out sendiri la, tak baik aku burukkan dia’.

‘But if you ever, ever, have trouble with her, you come to me, aku dengar masalah ko, ok?’

If that was supposed to be comforting, it didn’t work. I wasn’t consoled.

‘Ko dah tour kawasan office ni?’, he asked.

‘No I haven’t’

‘Lemme take you then’, so we went around the building and he introduced me to everyone.

When my boss finally came in the following week, I was put in another room, with other people. But throughout the months we spend together in the same office, he has never failed to make me laugh. Never did I think that his constant knock on my door and his ‘Are you okay’s’ would be something I miss. And I only realize it, today.

‘Ko je la yang aku saying dalam office ni’, he said, when we were talking about the bullshit we had to go through and deceiving people we had to work with. It is tiring when we have to go through butt-kissing everyday and tolerate the people who talk bad behind our backs, just to get our jobs done. So yes, our short sessions talking about our day was actually detoxifying for me. And I only realize it, today, when he said goodbye.

He’ll be staying near where I’m staying but that doesn’t make it easier. We won’t be having the conversations we used to have; as we’ve run out of reason to bump into each other. We’re not very close friends, so asking him out for a drink or movie won’t be appropriate, even more now because he’s engaged. The only chance I can get near to talking to him is IF he comes by the office. And that is sad.

The saying ‘Don’t take people in your life for granted’ applies aptly here. He may not be a prominent person in my life, but he made my everyday life better. I’m ashamed to admit that I only realize it today.

I wish him well and may he receive all the good things in life.