Reading Ayu...

I was reminded of Mama when I was having a conversation with a relative who is currently staying with us here. The relative, a 68 year old lady whom I call nenek, is here with her husband who is seeking treatment at a nearby hospital.

It seems that her husband, whom I call atok, has a major tumour on his arm, which they are afraid of being cancerous. I told the lady, ‘My mum showed me how a cancer tumour looks and feels like. It is something that grows under the skin and is not bumpy like atok's’.

She replied, ‘Poor thing..who is taking care of your parents’ house now?’ and then the conversation continued about the house, my parents, me. I got teary eyed and excused myself. I went to my room and sobbed. I hate this feeling. The fact that I am reminded that they are gone. And that I have no one. I call the lady nenek, but she is not blood related to me. She is someone else’s nenek.

I live with my sister now and yes I call her home my home too. But in fact, it isn’t. There will be a day that I shall leave this home; I cannot stay here forever. But then where do I go? I have nothing. I have nobody.