Random Ramblings 2

There is always this feeling of tranquillity when I hear the Azan. I think I speak for every Muslim about that. I heard Azan Zuhur at lunchtime on the radio. I was having trouble at work in the morning and when I heard the Azan, I felt my worries just drain away, easily flowing away.

The Azan gave me wider perspective. Suddenly all the worries of the world are not that big anymore. Suddenly I was reminded that there is a bigger force to life, which is God. And He decides. I felt I was giving away my problems to him, que sera sera, for Him to decide, as I do not have the power or will to change more than what I have already changed. And that two minutes was the best minutes of my day today.

--

Another thing that has brought calmness in me recently is my working out! I have been jogging (ok, fine...brisk walking) this whole month and with each step I took, I felt released from the stress I’m in. On top of that, I’ll have a fab bod in 2 more months! Makes me smile...

--

This year, many of the people I despise at work have left my working proximity. First was this horrible colleague who was able to cause us trouble in everyway. Forgetting deadlines? Always. Forgetting to return calls? Yup, as he was never in the office. Took more leave than anybody else? Oh boy, he did it. Dump all his work to his colleagues? Yup. Dumped his work to his colleagues and take credit for a job well done? Too many times. Well, he left about a month ago, and truthfully speaking, our workload here at the company did not change. It was the same as before. That means that he never contributed to the company. The only good thing about him leaving is the fact that the office is quieter (he has a big mouth) and that we finally can take credit from the work we do.

Another idiot leaving us is my ex boss (boohoo!). He gave me hell when I reported to him. He told me that my writing is bad (I know...stupid of him ain’t it?) and that I had an ‘attitude’. Cheh. Try having himself as a boss. Then I’ll be sure you’d see a different side of you you haven’t seen before. Blergh. (My GM also hated him, as he has never shown good work, basically). He was so sick of me he’d hurt me in many ways he could, he made me cry and made me feel like crap. When I left to work with another boss, I heard my ex GM gave him bad end of year assessment and treated him like crap, which is what I think he deserved. Music to my ears was when I heard he was leaving the company to start his own business. Let’s see how well the business will go..or will not go...

--

I don’t like sweet stuff. Cakes, ice cream, chocolates, caramel (urgh!). Well I don’t really hate them though. I just do nor prefer them. The reason why I’m fat is because I dig fried-to-perfection and santan based stuff, boohoo. I’m blaming my Minang side for that. They introduced me to ayam goreng rempah, daging cincang, rendang minang, masak lemak cili api...yumm!!! I can’t imagine living without those things. I even sometimes eat roti canai or mee goreng with kuah rendang. Yummers!

Click Here to Read More..

Random Ramblings

I don’t understand the relevance of acting the opposite way you feel, particularly when you’re feeling sad. Like a song suggested: ‘Smile through your heart is aching, smile, even though it’s breaking’. Why torture yourself? I have tried and failed.
I somehow cannot force my facial muscles to form a smile when my eyes are getting teary. Nature has decided that a teary eye goes together with a pout or a frown, not a smile. Maybe what the songs suggests is for us to stay positive throughout the struggles in our lives. Well, we will, as soon as we have dried up our tears and gain rationality, which may take from an hour to 3 days.

---

I went out for lunch with my officemates, who are all male yesterday. Then, in the middle of our meal, we were joined by two other men, one a driver and one (later I learned) a lab assistant whom I have never met before. The assistant came and sat next to me, with guess what? -A breast silicone. In his hands. ‘Look’, he said, holding it up for the table to see. And see was what the table did. ‘This is a breast implant. There was an actress who came by our hospital yesterday and had this silicone implanted’, he said. My friends started asking questions about the silicone and the actress and then a few jokes were exchanged. I listened but did not find anything amusing. I thought the only thing worth laughing at is this assistant who actually held the silicone in his hands even to lunch, just to show it around. A true attention seeker and pervert indeed. Either those or he is just a plain idiot looking for a few minutes of fame.

I continued my lunch and became very quiet. The assistant started squeezing and playing with the silicone in his hand. And then I gave him the look. And he shot back, ‘Eh, there’s a lady here and she’s mad about this’, hoping that the table replied to his statement with a few laughs or giggles, but he was only disappointed when my friends only kept quiet. He kept playing with the silicone all through lunch and desert.

I was baffled by this assistant’s behaviour. Why did he carry that silicone around? Firstly, it belongs to the hospital. Secondly, don’t you look stupid carrying it around? Or maybe he thought that looking stupid is nothing compared to the fame he gets when people start asking questions about the silicone and the sizzling details about the actress who had them implanted the day before. No one can get shallower than that

---

I hate people with baby-like manner. The sulking, the tantrums, the I-want-what-I-want-and-I-want-it-now attitude and the constant nagging/complaining. Why? Because I’m a baby myself and I hate when people around me wants to be babied like me. I guess that’s why I’m always picking a fight with my youngest nephew because he is such a baby and does all the things that only I am allowed to do-babying. Sigh...I know, I know...I’m shallow. I’m trying to grow it off.

---

I was driving to work in a drizzle one day and saw a few people standing at the bus stop. They couldn’t sit because the seats are all wet and they are tugging their skirts and pants from the puddles of water on the ground. All that brought me back to the days when I was like them. Come rain or humid sun, I’ll be there, waiting for the bus, always in a restless mood. But I went through it day by day and I had no complaints.

During my bus days, I wake up at 5.30 am, cooked breakfast/lunch for my dad, started walking at 6.30 am to a bus stop at 1.5km away from my house and waited for the bus that was never on time. On top of that, I had to work with bosses with medical degrees and had very high expectations of me, even though I was only a temp clerk.

I wondered then, when I was in my car, staring at the people at the bus stop, how in the world did I survive what I survived back then, with me being a (self-proclaimed) baby. Not to say that what I went through was hugely super, some people have been through worse than I did. But it was my own battle-my bus-days, and I won it. I am proud and at the same time I’m praying that I won’t take everything I have now (that I haven’t had before) for granted. So even though I might be a baby to some people, when the time needs me to toughen up, toughen up I can, and will.
Click Here to Read More..

Shakened Heart

The tremble turned into whispers of fear
And suddenly the heart ponders for more
Hearing more than the soul can bear
I silent my senses sore

The plan was for you to always be
As we applaud your taking of another strike
By the lashers and the dense
By the bitter and the lame

Why is time being everything but kind
Why can’t its heavy hands weigh down the rushing tick
That sent the fate too soon
That asked him to hush that afternoon

They have sent you back
They have tucked you in
But the trembles continue
And the whispers prominent

You left them alone now
With their words not celebrated
By your yet again blunder
Or your yet again innocence

But the heart sores and will continue to
As I am reluctantly reminded
By your absence now and again
By your tale now and again
Click Here to Read More..