The Other Woman - www.drphil.com

If you think putting a ring on a man's finger will keep "the other women" away, think again. Dr. Phil goes face-to-face with women who have affairs with married men.

Case #1
Ingrid says she can count on one hand the number of single men she's dated. "I don't go looking for these men. They naturally present themselves," she says. "If I wanted, I can bring home a different married man every night of the week."

She makes no apologies for what she does. "I don't think I'm the keeper of every marriage," she says. In fact, she blames the wives of married men for allowing their husbands to stray. "I think married women need a wake-up call," she says. "A married man will not make himself available if he is happy at home."

Dr. Phil doesn't buy it. He asks: "What the hell right does that give you to inject yourself into the relationship?"

Ingrid continues to justify her actions, saying that "if a gentleman is willing to invite me into it, he is telling me that relationship is not solid."

Ingrid, who's been married and divorced twice, says she's "pretty certain" that her husbands cheated on her, though they denied it. Asked how that made her feel, she says, "I took a little ownership of it, meaning something must be missing."


Case#2
When Erin found out that her husband Alan was cheating on her, she blamed herself, especially because she was busy with work, school, raising their two children, and was exhausted from being pregnant with their third.

"Had our communication been better, had he felt that he could talk about the things that were bothering him, he wouldn't have struck up a "friendship" with someone like Ingrid," she says, "and then it wouldn't have developed into something more."

Ingrid says Erin is "right on the money," but Dr. Phil is unconvinced. "What a complete and utter load of crap!" he says. "Women can do things to set themselves up to be victimized in this way. That much I agree with. That doen't mean you own it. It doesn't mean it's your fault!"

Women should be attentive and plugged into their mate, suggests Dr. Phil. "But you know what you need to do if you're not communicating? Start communicating!"

Dr. Phil tells Erin the affair her husband had was not her fault. "Do relationships get in tough places? Of course they do, " he says. "But the way to fix that is not to turn away from each other and go to someone outside the relationship."

Case#3
After a long-term affair with a married man, Annique turns to Dr. Phil for help. "I'm just so afraid that I'm going to wake up 10 years from now and it's going to be too late for me," she says. "I don't know how to break out of it and where to go from here."

Annique explains that the man has left his wife for her before, but he's always gone back to his wife. "You're getting played for a fool," Dr. Phil tells her, pointing out that even if he did leave his wife, the chance of a relationship that begins in an extramarital affair succeeding long term is less than five percent.

After Annique admits that she hangs on to the relationship because she fears being alone, Dr. Phil tells her: "If you're going to have to take a risk of freefalling into a world where you have no committed partner, wouldn't you rather do it now than later?" asks Dr. Phil. "You might meet someone wonderful out there, or you might even discover that 'If I'm going to be alone, I'm not a bad person to do it with.'"

Dr. Phil adds, "The only thing worse than wasting eight years of your life is wasting eight years and one day. So what you need to do is give yourself permission to walk out the door and say 'I'd rather take the risk of being alone than stay here and be used and abused.' And then you can begin to forgive yourself for ever being in this to begin with. But that can't start until you get the guts to walk out the door."

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Cheating Husbands - Meeting Needs? By Jenny Clair

Husbands cheat on their wives for many reasons. They could be bored with their lifestyle and feel that they need to do something exciting or they could be having a midlife crisis. The latter is very common as many husbands cheat on their wives when they seem to reach 40 for some reason.

Perhaps it is because they suddenly realise that 40 could possibly be half way through their lives and they need to give their egos a boost. Or perhaps as they reflect back over the past years they may feel that they have not achieved very much out of life. They may not be able to do much about changing their situation at home or to their current lifestyle so they decide to look elsewhere and become a cheating husband.

Cheating husbands always think that the grass is greener on the other side of the hill - just like to three billy goat gruffs did! For some reason they think that something is or has been missing from their lives or they feel that they have not fulfilled all their hopes, dreams or ambitions throughout their lives so far. So now is the time to try and change all this by cheating on their wives and they may achieve some of the goals that were missed over the years.

Cheating husbands looking for attention often go to night clubs to meet new girlfriends as this is a way of seeing and chatting to prospective dates. Once a cheating husband has lined up a date then all that is left to do is to escape from home to be with his new girlfriend. Escaping from home however is only a minor matter as he can use the excuse to work late or arrange business meetings.

The cheating husband may wish to go on holiday with his new found girlfriend and finding an excuse may not be necessary as if he has a circle of lads that he regularly goes around with then he has the ideal opportunity to say that he is going away with them.

Sometimes cheating husbands will stray for a few months but they soon realise that they really do miss their family and would very much like their old lifestyle back. Should their wife be willing to take them back then they are very lucky to be forgiven. Although it must be remembered that once a cheating husband has strayed he may be liable to cheat again later on in life whenever he feels the urge to boost his ego again!

Should a cheating husband not be forgiven by his wife then he stands to lose a great deal. There is his family for a start to consider and existing friends may not now stand by him. His whole life may need to be uprooted to accommodate his new situation. He may not only lose family and friends but also work colleagues that nay not see his cheating on his wife as a favourable decision. He may become so unhappy with life that he may have to consider leaving the area to which he used to call his home and move away and start afresh in an unfamiliar territory. This could end up being a very costly mistake both emotionally and financially and cheating husbands should consider very carefully the implications of cheating on their wives before committing themselves to an affair.

Jenny Clair is the editor of Marriage-Divorce-Separation.com an article based web site exploring the human side of marriage breakdowns, divorce and separation situations.
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