Hujan

Aku diam melihatmu hujan
Melihat butir-butirmu turun
Melihat benar kilauanmu
Melihat tembus telusmu

Larimu ke bumi dengan rela
Larimu bukan dihalau langit
Diam lagi aku dan bertanya
Kenapa?

Mahunya kau hujan terjun ke tanah
Tanah hitam, kelam dan kotor
Dipijak-pijak kaki manusia
Dielak-elak dengan payung dan teduhan

Hilang kilau, hilang telus
Hilang suci, hilang cantik
Hanya kerana tanah
Yang memanggil-manggil

Tidak senangkah di sana?
Dilambung-lambung baldu biru
Diulit-ulit bayu
Dikejar-kejar angin?

Aku terus melihat kau
Bagai berlumba jatuh ke tanah
Bagai kau senyum
Bagai kau puas

Fikirku, aku kagum denganmu
Kau tak pernah berhenti
Kau pergi dan kau datang lagi
Kau pasti kembali

Fikirku, indahmu asli
Indahmu bukan kerana curahanmu
Indahmu bukan kerana segarmu
Indahmu kerana tanahmu bahagia

Fikirku, cintamu itu satu
Hilang ajaibmu
Hilang definisi dirimu
Kerana mahumu bersatu dengan tanah

Aku diam melihatmu hujan dan bertanya
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You Are Here

Now finally the Coach has called me
To run to the field, to join the game
As he now sees that I am able
To take hits and blows
To win


I pinch myself just to let myself know
That this is real, you are here
This must be the answer to the wish I made long ago
A wish for something beautiful

It is beyond wonderful what we have
I won’t trade it for anything else
Not a pot of gold for our worst of times
Or a lifetime of sweet dreams for our unknown future

I want you to know
You are my simplest joy
My promising hope
My ease of pain

I am thankful to have you Click Here to Read More..

Hey You! Yes, I Know What I'm Saying..

Story 1:

A girl has a 'relationship' with a colleague for 10 years. She's married, has 3 children. He's single. He was the 'love' she found after she got engaged, but cannot pursue him as marriage was very near. So they continued. For 10 bloody years. They say it's love. To me it's just cowardliness and mere idiocy. They think they have a valid reason. They are wrong. They are just blind and selfish. They do not have the guts to make a decision. They think they are different. They are wrong.

Story 2:

He got engaged, still in love with a another girl. He said he was having difficulty getting over her. Then he got married, but the affair didn't end. He said he misses her, that she reminds him of what his wife is not. He texts, he calls, he emails. They reminisce. She says 'You shouldn't have gotten married, we would be perfect for each other'. So they meet up, feeling wonderful, feeling that this should have been. This is right, destiny is wrong.

They are ignorant. They are cowards claiming to be heroes. They think they are fighting fire when it was them who started it. People around them are laughing, thinking why do they think they're in love? They are ignorant. They think they are different. They are wrong.

Story 3:

The Girl stands there, still, claiming herself as the warrior of love. 'I stand, I love. No matter if you have children, I stand, I love.' The wind blows, The Wife curses The Girl, but she still stands. 'The Wife should take it easy', she says.

The Girl thinks: God has put The Girl in this situation, not that she wanted to be in it. She was forced, it was destiny. She is okay with polygamy but why the hell doesn't The Wife understand?

'Why did she put me through pain? All I did was follow my heart. I stand, I love. Nobody else would want me, nobody else will do. My situation is different. I am different. I have reasons. Valid reasons. Who are you to say my reasons are not valid? It is valid because I SAY SO. It is destiny to be blamed, not me. I didn't choose to fall in love. Just let me be in pain, oh let me cry..that will show you how big of a person I am. I am right, because I am the one suffering, I am the one in pain, so you should be on my side. I HAVE REASONS. The Wife should take it easy. I am ok with sharing, why shouldn't she be ok with it? She is fighting destiny, she has anger against me, why? Why?'

'I am different. Other girls have affairs with people's husbands because they are sluts. I'm not a slut. I'm different. This is a different case altogether. I am special. I am rare. I don't intend to. I am not a bad, selfish, cruel person.'

You always think you are different. You are wrong. And yes, you're a slut.
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The Past Should Just Stay There

I really do not like to remember my years of living when I was teenager. Everything that reminds me of it-movies, friends, locations and even mere mentions of anything from those years make me sad and sometimes cringe.

I viewed my life then as a big, black hole, I lived for the moment, didn’t take anything with me to remember. I guess that explains why I don’t remember most of my high school friends, things that happened. I also didn’t of course remember the ‘joy’ of being a teenager, if there was any that I experienced.

I heard a song recently, one I haven’t heard since I was 16 maybe and I felt sucked back into that black hole that I don’t like to be associated with anymore.

The main reason for this is the passing of my mother and how I never managed to get over it. Also, I was being a student as well as being a teenager with the responsibilities of an adult. I was never good at either of these. I disappointed myself and my family and really, it’s stress that I didn’t have to deal with, being so young at the time. I realized that only now.

I don’t know whether I was being hard on myself or maybe I was supposed to be better. I felt like I had feet too small.

But now I know the shoes were too big. How I wish I can go back and tell myself I’m ok, there’s nothing wrong with me. Create priceless memories. Love yourself. Love your friends your family.

I don’t like what I’ve been through and it’s a constant struggle for me to get over it.

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Babyface - Mad Sexy Cool

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Kuwe Appam

The conversation with my darling nephew at a Ramadhan Bazaar recently went like this:

Me : What did you buy?
Zhn : Kuih ice-cream
Me : No, that's not kuih ice-cream
Zhn : (Long pause and looked at his kuih apam in the plastic bag) Kuih colourful!
Me : No, nama dia kuih apam
Zhn : What? Kuih appa?
Me : No, kuih aaaaapaaaammmmm

Hearing that, Zhn laughed his ass off, repeatedly saying 'Kuwe appam! hahahha'
That was the first time he heard the word 'apam' and he couldn't get over the word.
This went on throughout the night. He would play with his brother and then suddenly would blurt out 'Kuwe appamm..hahahaha' like saying 'That's a weird name for a kuih. Even I can come out with better names like kuih ice-cream and kuih colourful'


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What Ramadhan Brings 2

Ramadhan has always been a tough month for us since Mama and Papa passed away. We miss them more than usual during this month and just the thought of them can bring me to tears, just like right now.


Today marks 3 years since Papa slipped into a coma. I was in the hospital alone with him.

We miss both of you.

Al-Fatihah to Mahmud bin Simin & Hayati binti Ariffin


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